True story. The other day my main man Hollywood Mike (K.I.P) and I was hanging out at the PETCO watching a little rat enjoying martini shots. As we both looked on with interest, Hollywood Mike leaned over and asked, “If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal sits and presses a lever to get a “fix” of something to its own detriment, would you conclude that Blastro is far more addictive than drugs?”

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “Blastro habit-forming? Of course not, I ought to know…I’ve been using it for years.” The Jewelry Man…telling you that when it snows in your nose, you catch cold in your brain.

In “My London Bridge used to fall down all the time” news, the Black Eye Peas homey Fergie recently admitted that she had to dig deep into herself to kick her crystal meth addiction.

Oh really EbenGregory…will this story be as interesting as a Black Eye Peas outfit?

Yes.

The Jewelry Man is informed that Fergie has confessed she pretended to have bulimia when she lost weight through drug addiction. Let Fergie tell it, she took so much Ecstasy and crystal meth, her appetite disappeared. So the star said she had the eating disorder as a cover story.

And now…a few words of wisdom from Fergie on crystal meth.

Here’s Fergie to TIME magazine on how crystal meth showed her luv: It was the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with. It’s the drug that’s addicting, but it’s why you start doing it in the first place that’s interesting. A lot of it was being a child actor; I learned to suppress feelings.

Here’s Fergie to TIME magazine on how she deals with her feelings now that she’s kicked her very bad crystal meth habit: I have an hour and a half of performing every night and improvising. If there’s a rafter, I can climb right on.

That’s nice…like watching your London Bridge go down while you show off your lovely lady humps. And speaking of meeting me after dark…

Here’s some NA ice jewelry being dropped by EbenGregory on Fergie doing crystal meth while showing off her humps: My way of joking is telling the truth; it’s the funniest joke in the world.

Let’s keep the jokes going: MySpace.com/ebengregory.